Day 3308 – A Surprisingly Hard Part Of Sobriety In The Beginning

Posted on August 1, 2018 by 365 days of marriage

Over the past few days, for a number of reasons, the changes in my life have been on my mind. From job changes to income changes to location changes to travel changes to alcohol consumption changes. When you’re in the middle of a season of change, it can be hard to pull yourself back and look at the big picture, as well to see how your view of things has changed. A lot of things that ten years ago, were my normal, are so far from where I am now. My definition of normal has drastically changed. One thing that I hadn’t thought about in a while was one of the harder parts of transitioning to a sober person. Saying no to alcohol when others offered.

As I’ve mentioned before, I “quit” drinking more times than I can remember. The last (and final) time that I quit, it felt SO awkward to say no to drinks. I think it was a mix of wanting to prove to myself first that this would stick but it was also a fear of what others would say. When I started saying no to drinks, the first question was “are you pregnant?” (Y’all know that wasn’t the case.) When you’ve been a heavy drinker, it’s a BIG deal when you say no to drinks. And if you’re not pregnant, it can be hard to truthfully explain your reason for not drinking.

While I’ve been marinating on this, I realized that it’s because you have to be honest with others about your struggle. You have to admit “hey, I have a problem, and I’m not drinking anymore.” Even though I shared quite honestly about my struggle with alcoholism and sobriety, I didn’t share until about a year and a half AFTER my last drink. It took me months to share with those closest to me. Now that I’ve shared, I have no problem talking about why I’m not drinking.

But as I’ve been thinking about that time, I forgot how hard that time was. There is so much out there trying to keep you from staying sober. From TV shows showing you that it’s ok to get drunk to the fear of being honest with others that you can’t drink. It’s SO much easier to just say, “yea sure!” to a drink than to say “you know what, I’m not drinking because I have a problem and I can’t control myself.”

So if you’re asking a friend if they want a drink, give a little grace and don’t push it if they say no. And if you’re thinking you might have a problem and want to quit, hold on, when you make it past the first few months (or year) of discomfort in saying no, the rewards are amazing.

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Day 2789 – Lost Moments Because Of Drinking

Posted on February 28, 2017 by 365 days of marriage

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my previous drinking problem, my sobriety, and my lost moments over the years. It has been almost 2 and a half years since alcohol last touched my lips. It has been nearly 10 and a half years since my hands were cuffed for drinking while intoxicated. I’m also approaching my 35th birthday. Lots of reason for some introspection. One aspect I haven’t touched on as much is the lost moments because of drinking.

When we stopped in San Antonio, I definitely got drunk. I don’t remember much from the last few hours at the bar, and driving to the next stop. I remember asking Bret for nachos, and he got them. At the time, I had a broken tooth and used wax as a temporary “cap.” I was so far gone, I don’t remember swallowing the wax. I don’t remember the sunset from the rooftop bar. I don’t remember the whole game when we played giant Jenga.

When we visited a friend in California, I don’t remember half of the evening because I had TWO glasses of beer as big as my head.

When attending a party with some of my cousins and long time friends, I don’t remember all of the hanging out, or leaving my purse in my own car, thus prompting a freak out the next day.

On many of our getaways, I don’t remember all of the time in the hotel because of the amount I drank.

I don’t remember portions of my best friend’s rehearsal dinner because I had SO much wine. There’s even a picture of me getting a glass of wine from the server with the “are you sure about this” face. (See below)

I don’t remember full trips to the state fair because of how much I drank beforehand and during.

I don’t remember full conversations where I’m actually trying to share the gospel with someone else….again, because I was drunk. These are the moments I’m most embarrassed of.

There are family events I don’t remember because I was drunk.

There are two family vacations I have very little memory of because I drank the entire time.

I think back to these things and while embarrassment is a big thing I feel, I also feel untold gratitude that God would protect me through it all. That He still loved me, despite my screw ups. I also feel untold thankfulness that He gave me the strength to finally quit drinking for good. It has taught me, over and over, that no one is too far from God’s help. He is able to change anyone.

I don’t know your struggle. I don’t know what you have failed at over and over again. But I can say that God can work in you and He can change you.

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