Day 2649 – How To Move On When You’ve Messed Up For The Thousandth Time

Posted on October 11, 2016 by 365 days of marriage

One of the things I mentioned in my testimony about my alcoholism was this – “But I can now more fully say I understand forgiveness. I can more fully express that God is waiting with open arms to take us back. Even after we’ve fallen for the second time…the fiftieth time…the thousandth time.”

I felt like such a failure so many times when it came to my drinking problem. I would feel retched when I would see the sadness and pity in Bret’s eyes. I would be ashamed of the things he told me I did that I couldn’t remember. Some days, it would be hard to move on to the tasks of the day because of the weight of guilt and shame. There are days I still feel this way about other sins I struggle with. I am grateful drinking is no longer a problem for me but just reading my old journals and letters to Bret, I can see I take a LOOOOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGG time to deal with things sometimes.

So what do you do? How do you pick yourself up and move on?

– Acknowledge that you messed up. Don’t make excuses. Don’t blame it on someone else.
– Accept God’s forgiveness – “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
– Don’t dwell on your failures – “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8
– Practice thankfulness

What about you? How do you move on when you’ve messed up…..again?

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Day 2624 – Reflections On Getting Arrested Ten Years Ago

Posted on September 16, 2016 by 365 days of marriage

Ten years ago at 1:59 a.m., I had a number of thoughts:
– I was so excited about my new job! It was my first “real” job. A 9-5 where I had to wear business casual and not a uniform.
– I really enjoyed working at Target.
– I should not be driving right now.
– I texted someone and said as much.

Ten years ago at 2:00 a.m., when I was pulled over, I had a number of thoughts:
– I shouldn’t have been driving.
– I shouldn’t have been texting.
– I should be ok, I didn’t have that much to drink.

Ten years ago around 4:00 a.m., after being officially arrested, I had a number of thoughts:
– I can’t believe this is happening.
– I can’t believe I blew a .13.
– I can’t believe I talked to the cop on the way back from the official breathalyzer test about thinking God wanted me to talk to him. How embarrassing.
– I can’t believe the cops at the station said I took a good mug shot.

Today, ten years after being arrest, I have a number of thoughts:
– I can’t believe I didn’t think I had a problem back then. I found a short survey I took for my court mandated substance abuse classes. I scored an 11 out of 24. 9 or more meant probable alcoholism.
– I am SO thankful that God graciously helped me quit drinking cold turkey.
– I am so thankful I was pulled over that day. If I thought I was ok driving that day….I shudder to think what could have happened on the days prior that I knew I wasn’t ok to drive.
– I am thankful for those who stood by me through the last 10 years.
– I never thought I would put this out there publicly! I remember being SO scared about people finding out.
– I am thankful for work that doesn’t require me to check off a box – “have you been arrested” etc.
– I am thankful that I can now be a designated driver and not be mad about it.
– I am most thankful that alcohol doesn’t hold any power over me anymore. I always thought I wanted one of those stories….you know the kind…..drug addict, alcoholic, etc sees the errors of their ways and comes to Jesus and is completely saved from their vices. I always thought, well, my story isn’t that exciting….I grew up in a Christian home, gave my life to Christ very early and have clung to my faith ever since. I now know that is one of THE best testimonies. But, now I have both testimonies. 🙂

Day 2519 – I’m Done My Book! (Ok, Maybe Just The First Written Draft, But Still!)

Posted on June 3, 2016 by 365 days of marriage

I am SO pumped right now! I just finished the last hand written chapter of my book! I’ve been taking a different approach to the first draft – hand writing it….with a quill. It’s been a really fun experience. I originally had about 80+ verses that I would talk about, but as I worked through them, I cut a few out. I am now at 40, which seems like a really great number. Now I need to type up some of the chapters (about 20 of them) and then I’ll begin the work of editing. AH! I finished a step! 🙂

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Day 2496 – Progress On My Book And A Sneak Peek Of The Last Chapter

Posted on May 11, 2016 by 365 days of marriage

I have been working on my book for years now. It has been a really frustrating journey, I’m not going to lie. I’ve had to start from scratch about 3 times so far. I have felt doubt. I have stopped many, many times. I finally had the realization that to write a book about work and how it applies to the Christian, I needed to start from the source (the bible, duh Jen!) Since then, I have found a rhythm and a groove. Today, I wanted to see how much more I had to do. So I created a spreadsheet with what I’ve written and what I’ve typed. A few months back, Bret and I went to the National Archives Museum and I bought a quill. I have been writing each chapter with this quill! I love feeling like I’m living hundreds of years ago, leaving a record of my thoughts. Then I type the chapter into my Word document. It’s a cool process that works for me. A week or so ago, I wrote what I knew would be the last chapter. THAT was a really motivating day! There are times in my life and work when something just clicks and it finally makes sense. Writing that chapter was it for me. My format for the book is taking a verse or verses from the bible about work and breaking it down and giving my thoughts and application ideas. If you notice, I have a list of 85 verses! And it’s growing. I find other verses that apply as I read through the bible doing my devotions. God has a LOT to say about work! I cannot wait to share what I’ve written!

Verse from what I think will be the final chapter – “strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.”
Acts 14:22