Category Archives: Christianity

Day 2948 – When Did I Know I Was An Alcoholic

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I’m working through my second draft of my memoir, and I’m happy to see it taking somewhat of a logical shape.

Yesterday, we had so much fun hanging out with some friends at a beautiful waterfront bar. Chatting with one of my friends, we talked about what was success for my first book, which was that one person’s mindset was changed.

In my current draft of the memoir, I wrote “I don’t want to write this book. Thinking back to these times doesn’t make me happy. Trying to read other memoirs about drinking is hard to do. I want to forget it all happened. I want to leave those memories in the past. Why would I ever want to go back there? Why would I want to share even more about the things I did? I suppose, if just one person is helped. If one person can move past addiction and treat it finally as a sin, it is worth it.”

I think I have my goal for this book.

So, when did I know I was an alcoholic?
Probably in the few days after my last drink. Here’s a snapshot from my journal, which is part thinking out loud, part praying, in the days after that last day.

September 29, 2014 (first day sober)
“I do enjoy it and I have had some great times, yet I’ve quit so many times. Can I really not control myself or am I trying to prove to myself that I can? Am I holding on to sin? Should I cut it loose? Do I need to cut it out completely? Truly? Forever? Is it standing in my way?”

On October 3, 2014
“Thank you also for the clear “it’s time” to quit drinking. Thank you for the strength already against temptation. Let it open doors to honest communications about how Christians aren’t perfect.”

Almost three years later and I think it’s so true – that it can open lines of communications. People are shocked when they hear about my sobriety – “but you’re a Christian!”
Thinking back to the months following this moment, I remember thinking that there is almost more stigma against people who don’t drink than people who do. Look at all the memes about drinking at the end of the day, or that say “how could I ever quit drinking, I’d be boring!” I was more embarrassed and nervous to say “no thank you” to a drink, then when I was downing bottle after bottle.

I’m so thankful for sober Jen, because she can go to places like we went yesterday, and remember every minute. I really hope we can live near the water some day.

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Day 2947 – Don’t Wait Until You Are Thirsty To Drink

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As I’m making my way through Dream Big, Think Small by Jeff Manion, I read this today “Don’t wait until you are thirsty to drink.” He was talking about a time he went for a run and didn’t drink any water for hours, which brought on a headache. I thought this was such great advice, one of those things I will hang on the wall.

It can apply to all areas of life, hence why I put this post under all of my categories. Here are a few suggestions of how I take a drink in different areas of my life.

Christianity – On my best days, I listen to a sermon and journal. I’m most successful when I pick a sermon the night before, journal already on my desk, and my work area clean. The days I set myself up for success, typically, I’m successful.

Marriage – We try to have a meaningful, purposeful conversation at least once a day. A time to turn around from the computer screens, phones left on the table, and just talk to each other. With Bret working from home during the last few weeks of his summer break, it’s been much easier to have these conversations.

Business – I think my biggest source of drinking in the area of business is using Asana to keep track of things. It really helps me to see where I am on my many projects, and is such a load off my mind, knowing that everything I’ve discussed with my clients, Bret, and all of my ideas, live in one spot. This is so much better than having a pile of things to do and not knowing what to do next.

Travel – I can’t travel all the time right now. I can’t just hop in the car and take a road trip. To keep myself hydrated in this area, I created a compilation video from our 2016 road trip. It has some of our great moments, and serves as a reminder of what I HAVE experienced.

Life – Recently meditating and yoga have really helped me take a drink. On my personal retreat, I came up with a few mantras about my life. It really helps to bring my mind back to center. And yoga really helps me remember to breathe and stay in tuned with life.

What about you, what do you do to keep yourself hydrated in life?

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Day 2938 – What I Wish I Knew About Writing A Book When I Started

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When I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer. I wrote a few stories, a bunch of poems, and journaled a lot. I’m so thankful that my younger self kept a journal like she did. It let’s me look back, and know where I’ve come from and how much I’ve changed. It wasn’t until I was grown that I knew I had to write a book. It took me SO long to write my first book.

I think most people have a book in them. I think that YOU have something to say. So what do I wish I knew? Here’s a few things, and hopefully, they will help you as you start (and FINISH) your book.

– You will start from scratch several times. That first time that you have to start from scratch is really difficult. It feels like you’ve wasted all this time, but it is needed in the process.

– Just write. Getting anything down on paper is a good exercise.

– You will think you’re done, but you are far from it. (Rinse and repeat this one)

– You will print out many, many drafts of your book.

– You need to love the editing process. You need to love ensuring that your words are having their desired impact.

– There are smarter people than you, use them. I’m SO glad I hired editors for my books. It brought my books to another level, and made them much more helpful.

– Reading continually will help you as a writer. I’ve gotten some great ideas, and received inspiration through the books I’ve read.

– Have a music playlist at the ready for your writing time. Classical music or soundtracks are my go to for this. In particular, I listen to a playlist of 40 cello classics.

– Have a set place you write, or at least a routine. It really helps to get your brain into writing mode.

– Don’t hold your words too tightly. You might think they’re beautiful and perfect, but they might not be clear. It helps to read your words out loud.

– Enjoy the whole process. Once you learn it, you won’t freak out when you have to start over, when you have to have your words chopped up, when you want to throw in the towel….again.

– And above all – keep writing.

When can I read YOUR book?

How do you like my editing pen?

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Day 2932 – Why I’m Thankful For Long Distance Relationships

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I had originally planned to post about Junk Food Day, I mean how fun is that? But as I scrolled through On This Day on Facebook, my status from 10 years ago, was “Missing him….” That him was Bret, and he had been deployed overseas for about a month. We had only recently started officially dating. Bret was only deployed for a little over half a year, but he lived in California, and I lived in Maryland. By the time we got married two and a half years after we met, we had only spent roughly four months in the same time zone….and three of those months were when he moved to Maryland a few months before the wedding.

I forget that such a large chunk of our relationship was long distance. It was our normal – saying hello and saying goodbye at the airport, long phone calls, big phone bills, and lots of sleepless nights from talking late.

But I can point to that time as one of the biggest reasons we have the great marriage we have now. Being that far apart forced us to ONLY have communication. It caused us to be honest with each other, I mean, why not be honest with that much distance between you? During those hours and hours of conversations, we talked about everything. During those hours, we developed a deep friendship, which is one of the core pieces of our marriage.

While long distance relationships aren’t for everyone, I sure am glad that I had one. 🙂

This is a photo of Bret from his first visit to meet my family in 2007.

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Day 2918 – What’s It Like For A Sober Jennilyn To Go Into A Liquor Store?

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One question I get a lot is if Bret still drinks around me. He does, and I have no problem with that. I even will pick up his beer. I went to a local store that I’d never been in before yesterday. I ended up texting Bret most of the time I was there, trying to nail down which beer he wanted. I looked through one line of cases, which I thought was all of the cold options. When I got to the non-alcoholic drinks (sodas and the like), the guy working there said there were more of the type of beer I had, and craft beers down that way…..a whole BUNCH more. So it went from an ok store, to a pretty epic store pretty quickly.

So what’s it like for me to go into a liquor store now? Just like going into a regular store in most respects. I’m still texting Bret to make sure I get the right thing. I’m still buying something that he needs.

When I go into a liquor store, I find myself seeing different beverages, and thinking about when I got drunk on them. What happened in that moment. Oh, hey, there’s that Rita stuff from Bud…oh yea, I got WAYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSSTEEEEED on those a LOT. It was a really interesting thought. Here I was, surrounded by the thing that took down so much of my life. Here were the liquids that brought so much, and so much heartache. Here, were things that didn’t have power over me anymore. Like any vice, it can be a good thing in moderation. A little disclaimer, my journey is my own. I don’t recommend a recovered/recovering/etc alcoholic going into a liquor store. I know myself, and I know my limits. DO NOT TAKE MY EXAMPLE AS WHAT YOU SHOULD DO!

I say repeatedly that all of my success is because of God’s work in my life. From opening my eyes to taking my sin seriously, to giving me strength to say no again and again. Yet, when was the last time I thought about this, or pointed to His continued work in my life? So I want to take an opportunity to give another shout out to the Big Guy. I have become accustom to this amazing change in me. It is my new normal. It is so much a part of me now. Sobriety. Clearheadedness. All, completely, totally, irrevocably, God’s work. If you want to read my full story, or at least a pretty good summation, check out my testimony.

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Did you like what you read? Here’s some ways you can support us and this blog!
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