Day 3472 – Permission To Say No – or – JEN SINCERO LOOKED AT ME!

One thing I’ve been wanting to talk about for a little while is giving yourself permission to say no….as well as reminding you it’s ok to say no….which I will, but first, I wanted to geek out a little bit.

A few days back, we went to see Jen Sincero speak and it was a truly wonderful experience. I want to do more things like that. It was a speaking/book signing event. I did take two books to be signed, but we were like number 540 in line and we’d had a particularly long few days, so while it would have been great to have a few seconds with her and get my books signed, I decided it was just not worth losing even more sleep over.

During her talk, she had great audience interaction. Dudes, she looked RIGHT at me! Several times! So amazing.

So saying no. There are lots of reasons we say no to things.

I say no to alcohol because I’m a former alcoholic. There are times when I say no to events because of alcohol. I’d say 95% of the time, I’m totally ok with being around other drinkers, going into a liquor store, or going on a getaway where I’ll be around drinkers. But there is a small number of times when I’m just not. I have a lot more to learn about myself and my drinking past that I’m still dealing with, and I just have to say no.

I say no to watching movies with nudity because I struggle with remembering the images. One of the most important things in my life is my marriage to Bret, anything that could take away from that, I fight against it. I have no problem with others watching nudity, but I know myself and my limits, so I just have to say no.

I say no to some TV shows that raise my anxiety.

I stopped watching football, mostly for time….but also because at the end of the day, my Ravens won’t win every game….so why put myself through the stress of “will they/won’t they/WHY DID YOU DO THAT?/THAT REF IS AN IDIOT!” for a few hours?

But you know most of this since I’ve blogged about it before. What I’ve found makes saying no harder is when others don’t understand why or, and I think this is the bigger reason, they don’t struggle with what you’re saying no to. I’ve found that some will never understand you. Just like I cannot understand how someone can have a glass of wine at dinner, not finish it, and not want to finish the bottle…Even being sober for over four years, I still can’t comprehend this.

When we have to spend twenty minutes finding a movie to watch that doesn’t have nudity, it can be hard to explain my reasons to those who don’t have a problem with it.

When I have to say no to seeing people or canceling a social thing because Bret needs the car for an appointment, or basically any of the changes we have to make for running a business, it can be hard to express why it takes priority.

But here’s the truth, some people will never understand where you’re coming from. No matter how many times you explain it, or try a different approach, or even hand puppets with pie charts, they just won’t get it.

So I want to remind you it’s OK to say no. I’m giving you permission to say NO. I’m also giving you (and myself) permission to let go of the worry and wish that they would understand you.

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Day 3467 – Going With The Flow

When we got back from Cali, we hit the ground running with our business. Bret and I were just talking about how we really haven’t had a break since. “Weekend” and “day off” are unknown words right now.

I’m finding instead of getting overwhelmed, freaked out, stressed out, etc, I have to just go with the flow and do what I can. I’m breathing deeper more often than I have before, and boy howdy, learning to grow.

I’ve been all about rest, self-care, etc, and I still am, so the challenge is trying to find the balance in our current season. One thing that really meant a lot and has helped on these days is something Bret said a few days ago, “I can’t wait to see how you change this year.”

I can look back to last January and I see a very different person. Heck, I can look back just a month or two ago, and see the big changes.

If nothing else, this season is teaching me to breathe more.

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Day 3465 – Finding Joy In The Journey

At least half a year ago, I purchased a mug. The day I found it, I was wandering through a dollar store, a little ticked off. I had traveled to an appointment only to have said appointment canceled right before I was set to arrive. I then saw the mug (pictured below) and had to buy it.

I drink my coffee out of this mug and I love seeing the reminder to find joy in the journey, it is a reminder I need often. Building our business has been one of the most challenging and most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I am consistently needing to grow, stretch, mold, and meet the challenges.

After a pretty long day, Bret was encouraging me to remember just how far I’ve come, even in just the last few months. Reminding me of the stress of taking less calls versus how many we’re getting now…what once was completely overwhelming, is now normal and a part of my day.

I try to consistently keep in my mind when I’m starting to get stressed: “imagine how much this will help you grow, you will likely not recognize yourself in a few months.” My word/phrase for this year is Journey More, Stress Less.

I actually love the fact that life is not about each milestone, it is about the journey itself.

So friends, find joy in the journey you’re on today.

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Day 3456 – Why Are You Putting Off Your Dreams? – repost

I’m a big pusher. I love this about myself. I love to push people to be better, to follow their dreams and to do things that make them happy. Once I figure out how to make that quality in myself into a source of income that makes sense for my lifestyle, I will be a very happy camper.

But just as a photographer really sucks at taking photos of themselves, their family and friends….AND printing them out. I suck at pushing myself. It’s easier for me to just give advice to other people and not give it to myself.

I have had a dream to publish a book for years. I honestly have no idea how long. At least 10 years. I am pretty sure as a kid/young adult, I had dreams of writing a book. I watched countless videos, went to seminars, heard many people say how easy it is to publish a book today. I knew it was possible and it did sound pretty easy.

But here’s the thing, I still dragged my feet. It took a lot of arm twisting for me to hire a proof reader/editor. I did and I know my book is so much stronger because of the changes and general clean up that my editor did. She even made a few changes that made my formatting for Amazon a ton easier.

I also delayed a while after the manuscript was done. To be fair, I was stuck on the title. It was so hard to say what the book was about. I had so many competing voices and advice. Do this, do that, you HAVE to do this, DON’T do that! One day, I finally turned everything off and just talked to God. I said tell me what you want YOUR book to be called. Because really, the book is what God has to say about work….not me. It was a big step for me, I figured out the title and everything clicked after that.

I met some resistance in getting things set up…buying the ISBN, designing my cover, uploading to Amazon. I realize now, it was mostly a “I’ve never done this before and I’m putting things off” type thing.

But now that I’m done, I can’t get over how easy it was. Not only to put publish the ebook but also the paperback (I’m still waiting for approval from Amazon, keep checking the link if you want to buy a physical copy). I had a little trouble with the cover design….but Amazon has a great program to catch any mistakes on the book.

I will be a major pusher to others who want to write a book now. I will also push affiliate marketing as well. Through people clicking on the link to my book, I’ve already made affiliate sales. Basically, if someone clicks on one of my affiliate links and buys either the product I’m sharing or something completely different, I get a percentage of that sale (at no additional cost to the purchaser). I’ve made more in the last few days through my book than I have in a few months of having an affiliate account. (If you have to shop on Amazon, follow the link to my book in the footer to make sure we get credit!)

So as I marinate over the fact that I am now a published author, I am struck by the thought “why did I put this off for so long?” It seems silly now…especially since I’m a big supporter of “go do these things that make you happy. Go take that cross country trip. Quit your job and take a chance on your own business. Get rid of all your stuff and live out of an RV.”

Why are you putting off your dreams?

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originally posted 12/18/16

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Day 3455 – How We Continue To Stay Out Of Debt, How We Have Money Saved, And How We Had Extra For Taxes – repost

If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would have a three month emergency fund, that I would be debt free for almost five years, that I wouldn’t get anxious when paying bills, and that I would get excited about taxes, I probably would have called you crazy.

I came into our marriage with about $30,000 of debt. This was from reckless spending, big purchases, starting a business on credit cards, and having to pay for necessities on my credit card while using all my cash paying for things for my DUI. Ha, if you also told me 10 years ago I’d be 100% ok talking about getting arrested and talking about my drinking problem, I would have called you crazy….and been super embarrassed that you knew I was arrested.

Through Bret working like six jobs, me working two jobs, extra money coming in because of the GI Bill, and very strict budgeting, we were able to pay everything off less than four years into our marriage. Since then we’ve stayed out of debt and have been able to save. Our savings accounts have fluctuated over the past few years. At one point we did have six months saved, but gave a bit away and went on a few adventures.

So what have we been doing since then that I was actually excited and not stressed at all about our taxes?

Here are a few things:

Since well before I was married to Bret, I kept a detailed spreadsheet that showed my income and expenses for 1-2 years into the future. I can see what times of the year will be harder than others (right now that’s the summer since Bret is paid on a 10 month schedule at his day job), I can see when we would have to dip into savings unless we made an adjustment, and I can quickly see how a change in expenses will change things for the rest of the year (and into the next). But this approach has some disadvantages and doesn’t show the full picture.

To get a very detailed picture of how we spend our money, we got an account on mint.com. It’s a free service that connects to all of your accounts. You can set up budgets for all areas of your life and get notifications when you’re getting close to a budget. When we first signed up, I was shocked to see how much we spent on gas. It was much more than I thought we spent. What I love about mint is that is shows a very real picture of how things are….not how you want them to be. It has limitations too, for sure. Just yesterday, I was told I was over budget for home insurance because I paid the balance in February instead of April. I know I have the money there, but mint wants to show me a big red in that budget. This is why it’s been helpful to use several methods to track our money and budgets. One thing I didn’t know I could do until recently was actually split receipts. So if I go to Walmart and buy groceries for us but also some notebooks for my business, and supplies for our business, I can split it in mint.

Before we got our first check for the real estate investing business, we decided how to divvy out the income. 30% goes right back into the business, whether this is a larger budget for the next few months, or to help us get through summer months. 32.5% goes into our savings account. 32.5% is saved for taxes. 5% is for celebrating/travel/etc. Because of this method, we were able to have money set aside for taxes. So there was no anxiousness for when the bill came to both pay our accountants (who we LOVE by the way), or even if we had to pay the government. Because the money was there, for that purpose. It was a totally trippy feeling, but very very cool.

The next thing we want to work on is having a good idea of if we’ll owe or get money back. We don’t want to go into our tax season wondering what’s going to happen. I mean, we had this money just sitting in an account waiting. If we had known what our taxes would have looked like a few months ago, we could have invested that money back into the business sooner.

And I’ve heard some businesses use things like boats to save on taxes, so….life goal? 😀

originally posted 3/5/18

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