About 365 days of marriage

I started this blog in April of 2011. At the time, Bret and I were wedding photographers and it was a way to share how marriage is more about the day to day and so much more than the wedding day itself. For about 5 years, I blogged about the joys and sorrows of the Christian walk, marriage, work, family and friends. I’ve blogged every day since a few weeks after I started. In May of 2015, we photographed our last wedding. Now, I have become passionate about simplicity, particularly in marriage, Christianity, business, travel and life. For a number of reasons, we have become minimalists. I’ve found that having simplicity makes life so much deeper, refreshing and joyful. I hope that this blog will help others see the benefits of living simply.

Day 3221 – The Dark Side Of Freelancing – or – Six Years Freelancing – repost – With Some Updates

Posted on May 6, 2018 by 365 days of marriage

I wasn’t sure what to post today and came across this post in my morning blog review. What’s funny is as I read it, I noticed things I don’t think anymore. I say “It is much harder to make money. I have made more than half of what I made at my 9-5 jobs.” Through things I’m reading now, and some major mindset shifts I’ve had in the last six months, I realize that I was the reason why I wasn’t making more. I am the reason why I am not making more. I’m so thankful for the resources available to help me grow, and recognizing some shortcomings in myself.

But, I will say, the Light Side of freelancing is the growth, the change, and the fact that you can transform yourself at any moment.

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Scrolling through my On This Day today, I noticed I started each post the same “I can’t believe….I cannot believe….etc….I’ve been a freelancer for XXX years” And to be fair, I still can’t believe this is my life, working as a freelancer. Having complete freedom of my days and my schedule. Being responsible for making my income. There are a few things I might change over the past few years. I would drink way less, I would have increased our fees for photography sooner and more gradually. Then again, everything I’ve gone through has made me who I am today, and I really like myself and how I’ve grown. But there are things that aren’t that pretty about freelancing. There are some really hard things.

– It is much harder to make money. I have made more than half of what I made at my 9-5 jobs.
– There are stretches where I don’t shower for a few days. It’s a “well, why bother?” attitude.
– It is incredibly lonely. I can go days without seeing anyone other than Bret, librarians, and cashiers.
– There is a sharp increase of self-doubt.
– Not too many people will understand what you’re going through.
– There will be dozens…hundreds….thousands of people who do what you do who will do it cheaper.

I’ve also been considering how different my life would have been if I didn’t jump into full-time freelance work. Here are a few things I would have missed out on.

– Travel. Hands down, this has been the best outcome of freelancing. I can up and go when I want. I probably would not have taken as many cross country road trips as I have if I was still “workin’ for the man.”
– More time with Bret, stress free. When I was working a 9-5, and building a business on the evenings and weekends, there was very little time to hang out with Bret. And when we would hang out, there was always the tug of things I should be doing. There was always stress.
– I wouldn’t have had the time I have now to help Bret build his real estate investing business. I can devote time now to getting things organized and running smoothly so he can focus on what he does best.
– I wouldn’t have met all of the amazing business owners at meet ups, conferences, and weddings.
– I would have been plagued with lots of what if questions.
– I probably wouldn’t have written two books.

Are there sacrifices I’ve made to freelance? Oh baby yea. But I wouldn’t trade them for the world. Here’s to another 6 years freelancing!

This is from my first wedding as a full-time freelancer. 🙂

originally posted 9/9/17

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Day 3220 – How We Wake Up At 5 AM And Actually Enjoy It – and – A Little Bit About Working With Your Spouse – repost

Posted on May 5, 2018 by 365 days of marriage

I wrote the following post in September. Eight months later and we’re still getting up most days around 5 a.m. There are days we sleep in until 7 or 8, if we’ve been out late, haven’t been sleeping as much, or if we’re sick. It’s crazy the amount of work you can accomplish getting up earlier. It’s like the hours from 5:30-9 are magical time expanders. Do you get up early?

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I think we have a new habit, and I think it will be around for a while: waking up at 5:00 a.m. on work days. Since we are building a business (real estate investing), there is a lot to do, all the time. I’ve really been digging in with data mining and management. We’ve recently started outsourcing calls, and it helps to put the pressure on me to keep up with finding numbers and not find excuses to be lazy. Since I don’t track my time on the weekends, I have no idea how many hours I put it this weekend, but it has been a lot. Oy. I have looked at SO many houses online! Though, it does get me dreaming about a home for us down the line. We have some pretty specific needs and wants, so it will likely take a while until we find it. Since Bret is back to school (today is the first day for the kids), having a routine is much more important. One way we’re fitting more in each day is by waking up at 5:00 a.m. I cannot believe I’m saying it….but we haven’t snoozed once since we started. I have ALWAYS snoozed. I have snoozed for HOURS. We’ll still be in bed, but we aren’t hitting snooze and trying to sleep for those precious 9 minutes. Once we have somewhat of a mental faculty going, we’ll start to say things that we’re thankful for. It can be anything from “I’m thankful you’re alive today” to “I’m thankful for this blanket” to “I’m thankful we prepped the coffee last night.” It makes such a difference in mood of the day right from the start. We’ll spend a little time chatting about the day and different things once the coffee is ready. Then I launch into my morning firsts (devotions, writing, blogging, etc).

It’s funny that we’re working together again. After we stopped photography, I thought it would be me working my jobs, and Bret teaching. Us working together, in a lot of ways, came out of left field. But I am SO pumped to be working with Bret again! Working with your spouse isn’t easy, it can be difficult, for sure, but the benefits outweigh those difficulties for us. One thing we’ve noticed is that I can get grumpy if I don’t get 8-9 hours of sleep. It takes a few days, but there is a noticeable difference. Last week, I was REALLLLLLLY grumpy, and Bret was like, ummmmmmmm, what? After more time than it should have, we realize it was because of my lack of sleep. Because Bret knows me so well, he can call me out on things, and we can work through them together.

A bonus to waking up this early is getting to see the sunrise. I was not disappointed this morning.

originally posted 9/5/17

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Day 3219 – May The Fourth Be With You!

Posted on May 4, 2018 by 365 days of marriage

A very happy Star Wars day to you!

I hope you do, as there is no try.

I hope you don’t have a bad feeling about this.

I hope you let the Wookie win.

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Day 3218 – How To Not Complain – or – I’m So Thankful That Bret Taught Me To Be A Devil’s Advocate – repost

Posted on May 3, 2018 by 365 days of marriage

One thing that I absolutely love and hate about Bret is that he is a devil’s advocate. When we first got married, I barely got to complain because he would always have a comeback to what I was babbling on about. “Well, you don’t know….” “Well, maybe they XYZ….” “Well, at least….”

He is the reason I’m such a big proponent of the “if nothing else” game. As I’ve grown in my devil’s advocating skills, I can even encourage Bret (ha ha, the student has become the master).

This can be a really sad and hard world to live in. There are so many opinions and sides and deep hate out there. I think something that could really help us all is more devil’s advocating.

Instead of thinking things like “I cannot believe they think XYZ,” “I would never ABC,” “All of 123’s are XYZ.” Try to think of things from the other perspective. “Well, if I had been raised in this environment, I can see how I would think/have trouble/struggle with XYZ.” “Well, if I had been in this situation, I might actually ABC.” “Well, I guess not ALL 123’s are XYZ. Maybe I can find out more about 123’s.”

I am in no way saying I have everything figured out. I cannot solve the world’s problems. I believe only God can fix what’s wrong here. But we can make things a little better by putting ourselves in others’ shoes.

It is also a very thankful way to live. When there are really rough days, I try to be super specific thankful. Being thankful for shelter, food, and health can really turn your day around.

And because I miss the little guy, here’s our rental car – Devil’s Advocate

– originally posted 8/20/17

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Day 3217 – It’s Ok To Cry Over Inanimate Objects – or – Ode To My First New Car

Posted on May 2, 2018 by 365 days of marriage

As I write this, I am waiting for a tow truck to pick up my car, Sam, for donation.

I have had Sam since 2005 when I bought him new. Up to that point, I only drove hand-me-down cars. I had experienced non-starting cars, no stereos, no heat or A/C, broken windows, and more. When I went to purchase my new car and the salesman asked what I was looking for in a car, I jokingly said – it starts, the stereo works, and I don’t want to have to use two hands to open or close the windows. He didn’t laugh. But that’s ok, I laugh at my own jokes, I’m ok if no one else does.

I only took a five mile test drive. I fell in love as soon as I sat down. It was a brand-spankin’ new car. I never experienced anything like it. There were only just over 100 miles on the car when I got it. Since that point, I’ve experienced some great things with Sam.

I had the first of many long conversations with my now spouse.

I took three cross country road trips with Sam.

I took dozens of shorter distance road trips.

Sam was also “arrested” and was put in an impound lot over the weekend when I was arrested for driving drunk.

I was sitting in Sam when I was on the outskirts of a tornado and was fearing for my life.

Sam took me safely to and from all but one of my weddings. (I did not realize this until just now.)

I always said I would be happy if I could get Sam to a quarter million miles, and I did. The final mileage count was 253,162.

After I cleaned everything out yesterday to prepare for the tow. I came inside and the weight of saying goodbye to this awesome car hit me. I sobbed and sobbed….and sobbed some more.

When Bret came home from work, and after we moved everything into the new car, he suggested sitting in Sam one last time. While I was completely drained at this point, I did. So we sat down and he asked some of my favorite memories. Bret remembered that we had our first heart to heart conversation while sitting in Sam. He thanked Sam for keeping me safe. For keeping him (Bret) safe too. We’ve been in a few accidents separately. Sam has hit a few deer – one totally butt bumped him.

I, of course, lost it again. I am so thankful for such an amazing car. He lived a great, full life, and will now help others.

I’m excited to make new memories in our new car. I can’t wait to start taking road trips with my new, amazing gas mileage. But I’ll never forget this amazing little 2005 Honda Civic LX Special Edition car, with blue sparkles in the black paint.

Thanks for the memories Sam.