As I’m making my way through my alcoholism memoir, I’m remembering some of the experiences where I got drunk and ruined the experience. There are so many experiences I wish weren’t marred by my drinking problem. So many times when I was hungover and not able to enjoy the day. So many embarrassing experiences.
One of them popped up in my On This Day today. We went to Gettysburg three years ago on a pretty cheap Groupon deal. We did a little exploring. We also got alcohol. What followed was me drinking so much that I broke an entire bottle of beer on the bathroom floor. So much time was spent cleaning that up. What could have been a really fun experience (the hotel had an indoor pool and it was a bit of an oasis), turned into what normally happened when we went away and I drank. Great day before I started heavy drinking in the hotel, then the drunk emotional Jennilyn came out, the next day the drive home was filled with a regretful Jen who said “I’m done drinking.” Which would calm the situation, but I would still be filled with sorrow and regret for how I acted….but I would repeat the process the next time we went away.
As it turns out, this trip to Gettysburg was my last trip where I overindulged and ruined the time. We did take another trip to Harper’s Ferry, less than a week from the start of my sobriety, but I was able to spread out my drinking, and that was a great trip. I guess I’m glad I ended on a high note?
Taking these walks down memory lane with my drinking have not been fun. Really diving deep into who I was, what I did, what I experienced, looking back and seeing how much I messed up is an uncomfortable experience. There have been a few times I’ve wanted to just toss the manuscript, let this book go. Thankfully, past Jen has written some things that have kept me going. Basically, past Jen exists to show how much work God has done in me. She exists to show that God is mighty and gracious. If I have to dig up my past to give God more glory, I’ll do it.
Now I think it’s high time Bret and I went back to Gettysburg so I can experience it sober. 🙂
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