trust | 365daysofmarriage

As I was reading through my bible this morning, I came across this verse:

“Keep your life free from love of money,
and be content with what you have,
for he has said,
‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’
So we can confidently say,
‘The Lord is my helper;
I will not fear;
what can man do to me?'”
Hebrews 13:5-6

This stuck out to me today because of the last year and a half and all that has happened to us. I’ve shared a few times about our financial situation, how it’s been tough and how we’ve grown through it. I would definitely admit to you that we had a love of money at the beginning of our marriage and my full-time photography journey. Not the “normal” love….but the trust in money….that if we have JUST the right amount, we’ll be ok. If we sold enough stuff, if we got one more wedding, if we didn’t go out to eat one more time. But God has a way of looking to our deepest core and saying, um, no, that’s not the issue here. Our biggest issue was that we didn’t trust that God would take care of us. Now, I’m not saying sit on your butt and wait for God to pour buckets of money out…that’s not how it works. You have to work for things. What I’m saying is that our trust and hope were in US to take care of things.

Thankfully, God didn’t leave us in that state. He broke us down to our knees, again and again…giving us JUST enough money to pay the bills, sometimes down to the penny…until we let go of the reigns and could honestly say “not our will but yours.” It has been such an amazing change that could only come from a loving God. Trust me, you would NOT believe the arguments (i.e. shouting matches) we would have about money and work. Whew! Glad those days are gone! A few months back, when we were having car troubles, I remember a specific conversation with Bret where I said, dang, I think I need to take the car in, we cannot afford that right now! Also, mind you, we were SOOOO close to paying off our debt. And in one breath, we let it go and said, BUT God is in control. Fast forward another week and we had taken in my car twice and Bret’s truck once.

I remember being so discouraged. We had just about tripled what we owed. I didn’t really have too many leads (at the time) for weddings. Bret hadn’t booked any clients either. But we still trusted.

Then something happened, almost overnight. We started booking a lot of clients. I have booked 3 weddings and Bret has booked 3 clients since then! We started being able to chip away at the loan and credit card debt, and then, it was gone. We are now at the point where we can put money in SAVINGS! I can’t remember the last time I was able to do that! We are able to budget money for hanging out with our friends and going out to dinner.

I truly believe it’s because we have taken hold of the second verse, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?”

So take heart, dear reader, there is hope. It isn’t an easy journey, trust me. But what good thing has ever come easy?

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On this day last year, I wrote this in my journal…

“What is so wrong with me?! Why am I so weighted down? Renew my trust. Renew my joy in my work. Give me a wedding! Help me to do what I need to do to succeed. I want to bring you glory. I want to dance with joy.”

I’m not going to lie. Last January through February/early March was one of the hardest times of my life. The “wow” glow of being a full-time photographer had gone away. My previously booked weddings were shot, edited and completed. The dust of the busy fall had settled and I realized this was real life now. We had some tough financial times. There was only one wedding on the books for 2012. We were really rather hopeless about things.

But I continued to look to God. My prayers changed from “Give me a wedding or give me money” to “help me to bring you glory.” It’s amazing how much things can change with just a little different perspective. When I look for God’s glory in a situation, no matter what, I don’t look at the circumstances. When I desire what he wants for my life, I don’t question the methods he uses. When I let go of my control of everything, leave it in his safe hands, I am free to only be concerned about how can I serve him.

I look back at all of this (journaling is a FANTASTIC way to grow and see how far you’ve come!) and think about where I am now, I am just blown away.

Now, I have 7 weddings on the books and just this week, I’ve had several inquiries AND a few good leads. I am absolutely floored by this. I am blessed beyond words.

But, I feel much more success in the following…

We got some bad financial news this morning. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it is certainly not what I would have chosen. I started to have a negative reaction when Bret told me…and he caught it right away….and asked, “When is God good?” It stopped me right away. Even though I just wanted to cry “When will it ever get better? When will we not have to deal with all of this anymore???” My dear husband reminded me where to place my hope. And he’s right. I’m so thankful for that. Where last year, we would have been down and angry at each other for at least a full day or more about something like this…now, it’s rarely more than a few minutes. What glorious grace!

“He not only will deliver you but in doing so will impart a lesson that you will never forget. And in days to come, you will return to the truth of it through singing. You will be unable to ever thank God enough for doing exactly what He has done.” Streams in the Desert, March 1

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