Day 1329 – A Year Later, I Am A Completely Different Person

On this day last year, I wrote this in my journal…

“What is so wrong with me?! Why am I so weighted down? Renew my trust. Renew my joy in my work. Give me a wedding! Help me to do what I need to do to succeed. I want to bring you glory. I want to dance with joy.”

I’m not going to lie. Last January through February/early March was one of the hardest times of my life. The “wow” glow of being a full-time photographer had gone away. My previously booked weddings were shot, edited and completed. The dust of the busy fall had settled and I realized this was real life now. We had some tough financial times. There was only one wedding on the books for 2012. We were really rather hopeless about things.

But I continued to look to God. My prayers changed from “Give me a wedding or give me money” to “help me to bring you glory.” It’s amazing how much things can change with just a little different perspective. When I look for God’s glory in a situation, no matter what, I don’t look at the circumstances. When I desire what he wants for my life, I don’t question the methods he uses. When I let go of my control of everything, leave it in his safe hands, I am free to only be concerned about how can I serve him.

I look back at all of this (journaling is a FANTASTIC way to grow and see how far you’ve come!) and think about where I am now, I am just blown away.

Now, I have 7 weddings on the books and just this week, I’ve had several inquiries AND a few good leads. I am absolutely floored by this. I am blessed beyond words.

But, I feel much more success in the following…

We got some bad financial news this morning. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it is certainly not what I would have chosen. I started to have a negative reaction when Bret told me…and he caught it right away….and asked, “When is God good?” It stopped me right away. Even though I just wanted to cry “When will it ever get better? When will we not have to deal with all of this anymore???” My dear husband reminded me where to place my hope. And he’s right. I’m so thankful for that. Where last year, we would have been down and angry at each other for at least a full day or more about something like this…now, it’s rarely more than a few minutes. What glorious grace!

“He not only will deliver you but in doing so will impart a lesson that you will never forget. And in days to come, you will return to the truth of it through singing. You will be unable to ever thank God enough for doing exactly what He has done.” Streams in the Desert, March 1

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