life and death | 365daysofmarriage

I finished reading my first book of 2019 on January 1st, Where The River Ends* (affiliate link, this means I’ll get a small percentage if you purchase the book). Man, what a way to start the year. It tells the story of a husband who takes his dying wife on a journey down a river. What I love about it is that so many say they shouldn’t make the trip, but it is what she wants to do.

Death is one of those things that’s taboo to talk about. It’s uncomfortable, it’s hard, but actually talking about and thinking about death is one of those “secrets” to a happier life. I’ve talked before about the multiple deaths I’ve walked through in my life. For the past 20 years, I’ve attended more funerals for my peers than my elders. Each death has changed me in significant and different ways. But the biggest lesson is that of embracing life, today.

Having a constant awareness of the end of my life, I can jump into my current life with joy, energy, and “this may be my last day, and I’m going to enjoy it.” It helps me live my life without regrets.

What really struck me with this book was the reminder that we have a choice in how we live and in how we die, but there will be folks who totally disagree with what we’re doing. So we need to fight for what we believe in and what we want out of life.

It was also a beautiful story about marriage. Charles Martin has become my new favorite author, hands down, primarily because of how he writes about marriage. So many of the books I’ve read are about a cheating spouse, an abusive spouse, a spouse who is tempted…recognizing this was much like my “wow, I’ve been reading a lot of dark, heavy books” when I read The Bookshop on the Corner* (affiliate link) by Jenny Colgan because it was so light and fun.

So friends, talk about the end of your life, recognize it is coming one day, and live with joy that you are here today because tomorrow is never promised.

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Here’s something a little “not normal” about me. I never thought I’d live to see 35. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I’d live through my 20’s. See, I lost many friends in my young adult years. When I was 15, my manager, who was 21, passed away. A few years later, a very close friend, who was 17, passed away. For the next few years, I would lose someone under 30 almost every year. I have attended so many funerals of young adults, and old adults. So, there was a part of me that thought I wouldn’t make it that long. In honor of them on my 35th birthday, I want to share how they have changed my life, even though they are gone.

1. Enjoy today as if it was your last.
2. Tell people you love them at every opportunity. Bret and I almost always say “it’s been real” when we say goodbye. Because you never know when it will be your last goodbye.
3. Don’t sweat the small stuff…
4. …or the big stuff.
5. Laugh often, and without reservation.
6. Don’t hold too tightly to the negative things people think about you.
7. Stop and enjoy where you are right now.
8. If you wash dishes, wear an apron.
9. If a t-shirt is made for a teddy bear, you can wear it, really.
10. Don’t forget your wallet on a date.
11. God is the most important thing.
12. Don’t hold grudges for other’s mistakes, cover them with love and gratitude.
13. You can have another career in your “retirement.”
14. Use your “retirement” to build tree houses.
15. If you fail at something the first time, try again tomorrow.
16. Sacrificing yourself for someone else’s benefit, is the ultimate gift.
17. Greet everyone with a smile that genuine.
18. Take the trips, and laugh often.
19. You can leave a part of yourself for someone, even if you leave before they can remember you.
20. You can always take extra helpings of mashed potatoes.
21. Even if you are limited in some way physically, you can still make an incredible impact on others.
22. Hug others as fiercely as possible. You never know when your last hug will be.
23. Don’t hold tightly to winning fights.
24. Sing if you have the voice.
25. Have a second home, if you can.
26. Enjoy the small things.
27. Live in the moment.
28. Others can be impacted by your joy.
29. Every day is a chance to try again.
30. Visit the places you’ve always dreamed of before it’s too late.
31. Everything can change in an instant.
32. Do what you love.
33. Don’t make excuses for your mistakes.
34. Treat everyone as important.
35. But don’t waste your time on negative people.