Day 2164 – Repost – Guest Post – Advice for Grooms – Jimmy Cannon Senior Pastor of Sovereign Grace Church in Joppa, Maryland

Again, I’ve got a super busy weekend. I figured, why not share a pastor’s advice on a Sunday?!

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Today’s post comes from the Senior Pastor of Sovereign Grace Church in Joppa, Maryland. He is not only the Senior Pastor of the church, but he is the pastor who married us and a friend. He has a lot of great advice about marriage!!

This first picture is one of my favorites from the wedding with Jimmy…and the second is a nice one. 🙂 Both taken by Craig Copelin of Nilepoc Media.

Here’s Jimmy!!!

When you face a struggle or disagreement in your marriage, how do you handle it?
-Communication! I find that if we don’t talk through things, we begin to harbor bitterness and the longer we let things go, the worse it gets. Also, being sure to listen and hear the other person out goes a long way. I Peter 3:8 says, “Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” My wife and I try to remind one another that we are a team. We are for one another and working toward the same goal. Also, this takes humility to recognize if we’ve failed and need to ask for forgiveness. And when we ask for forgiveness, we try to be as specific as possible. This not only assures the other person that you see clearly how you’ve sinned against them, but also it makes it easier for you to change and for them to freely forgive you.

What are some of the ways you try to bless your wife?
-In the book “Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God by CJ Mahaney (a must read for Christian husbands) one of the chapters talks about being a “student” of your wife. I’ve found this helpful over the years. In any relationship, the more you know and understand someone and have that “sympathy” that was mentioned from I Peter 3:8, you will truly know how to love them in a richer, deeper way. For example, my wife isn’t a “flowers and chocolates” kind of girl. Don’t get me wrong, she wouldn’t turn them away, but she would much prefer me to walk in the door with a drink from Starbucks and a magazine with floor plans of homes from cover to cover. Taking an interest in what makes her “tick” means a lot to her. Another thing I’ve tried to do over the years is to ask her not only how is she doing, but how am I doing in her eyes. Are there areas that I can grow or that she has concerns about. This has really kept the communication line open and left no room for the enemy to bring any disunity into our marriage.

What advice would you give a couple going through a struggle during the beginning of their marriage?
-First of all, I would encourage any young couple to never be “content” with where their relationship is at. And this would include if they have struggles in the marriage or if they are experiencing hardship, not to “throw in the towel” or lose heart. A marriage takes work. Living up close to another sinner takes constant sacrifice and the ability to say, “I’m not going to make today about myself. I’m going to choose to serve and lay down my life not only for my Savior, but for the one who is most important to me on this earth.” This is a difficult task, but by God’s amazing power and His promised Holy Spirit, we can learn to love others more than ourselves.

Also, I would encourage young couples to seek help. Ask for input from parents, respected leaders in their church, and especially their pastors if need be. So many have gone before on this path of marriage and have much wisdom and insight that will not only encourage, but also truly help them to grow.

And Lastly
-My final remarks are from Hebrews 10:24-25. This scripture helps to point us in the right direction, especially as husbands. “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” This passage gives such clear instruction. So basically, we must tell our spouse where we see God at work and what we appreciate about them, meet together (date night), and this will stir her up to love more and good works are the fruit! Woo hoo! This is only possible through God’s grace and thankfully, because of Christ, we have all the power we need to do what He’s called us to. I thank Him for the gift of marriage and for giving me a wife who is willing to work through anything in order to keep our little “team” in unity and love. God is faithful.

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Day 2160 – Update On Living Light – or – We’re Still Sleeping On The Floor

We’ve been in our new apartment about a month a half and sleeping on the floor has been fantastic. I find that we are getting some of the best sleep we’ve ever gotten. Even when we had to get up early after we stayed up playing video games….still not that as tired. It’s crazy how refreshing it is. I also haven’t struggled with getting out of bed (as much). I still snooze, but I’m out of bed with a few minutes to spend with Bret.

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I realized that I didn’t share our closet on a previous post. Just yesterday Bret said, wow, you have as many clothes as I have! But I showed him how I have a whole drawer of PJs and he calmed down….note – one of those BIG drawers. 🙂

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The biggest thing I’ve found living this way is that it’s easy to keep everything clean….and I actually WANT to clean. Weird.

Day 2158 – National Best Friend Day – What Makes A Best Friend And Who Is Mine?

Today is apparently National Best Friend Day. I’m glad Facebook tells me what’s going on each day, otherwise I’d be lost for the hot topics. 😉

So what makes a best friend? Here’s what I think.

– Someone who lets you be yourself. Totally and completely.
– Someone who you can trust more than any other.
– Someone who builds you up when you need it.
– Someone who also won’t let you get away with stuff and will knock you down (in a good way) when you need it.
– Someone who will hold you when you cry.
– Someone who you can do goofy/stupid things with but still have a blast.
– Someone you can call at any point.
– And most importantly, someone who points you back to God always.

It won’t come as any surprise that Bret is my best friend. I always said I wanted to marry my best friend, but in so many ways, I didn’t realize how much I needed that. I am just in awe that God would give me someone like Bret as my best friend.

How does Bret fit this BFF bill?
– He lets me be myself. Totally. He’s even learned some of my weird quirks. Just the other day, he asked if it was ok for him to stir the beef and mashed potatoes we were sharing. He laughs when I make squirrel noises and has started to make them himself. We’ve had conversations. Don’t judge.
– I have never doubted that I can share anything with Bret and he won’t share it with anyone else, unless it’s for my own good.
– I’ll never forget a particularly dark moment in my business where I just wanted to give up…again. He took my hand and walked me to a board we put up with our couples pictures and the phrase – “forever in our hearts.” And reminded me of those I had already blessed.
– My husband has helped me become a person worlds better than I ever imagined over the last 6 years. My physical health and my spiritual health have never been better. It wouldn’t be without his probing questions. “How many drinks did you have?” “Did you do your devotions today?” “Did you pray about it?”
– I cannot tell you how many shirts have been used as snot rags.
– We have done some really stupid things together. See squirrel noises above.
– Well, I can call him at any point, but he’s bad at answering his phone….so it’s a good thing I live with him.
– This last one has increased especially over the last year. Bret has grown to love God’s word and God so much more and it has been SO helpful in our discussions about life.

So who is your best best friend?

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Day 2155 – Happy FOUR Year Anniversary Mr. & Mrs. Summers!!!

This will forever be one of my favorite memories from a wedding….things were a bit behind on the timeline and when asked if they still wanted a shot, an employee was like, eh, we don’t have much time….the groom said, no, the bride wants this! So we took off running through the parking lot! Way to go Stephen standing up for your new bride! What a great way to start a marriage! 🙂

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Day 2153 – Guest Post: Bret Sharing About Faith In Moving Out And What God Has Done So Far

I heard a story about certain military training. Supposedly it includes carrying a pack, performing exercises and challenges, and might even take place over a few days. As the participants get near to what they believe is the end, they can see the finish. They are relieved, thinking they are almost done. However, their leaders keep walking past the finish line, and tell the participants that they are half way done, because they are doing another lap. After days of enduring, it is at that point that many give up. They were able to keep going just a little while before, because they thought they only had a short way to still go. After many have given up, and the remaining participants have walked only a little ways further, the leaders then tell them that they passed, and are done. The test was not just about how far they could physically go. The leaders wanted to know how many would keep going when things were tough, when they didn’t think they could keep going.

I liken this to having faith in God. Jen and I recently moved out. Not so I could have a shorter drive to work. Not because of any specific people in our lives. Not because we were tired of living with other people. The main reason Jen and I moved was because I felt God telling us to move, specifically because of some issues in my heart. You can read the post about moving out here. I didn’t want to move out, because I was enjoying growing fellowship with two of her brothers, and even her mom, but God told me that my relationship with Him was more important. I also didn’t want to move out because of the increased expenses it would bring. Still, God said if I did not move out, He was going to turn my life upside down, because He loved me enough to bring discipline if needed. I could look back and see how God had been having grace with the sin in my heart. I was reminded of Romans 2:4 – Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

See God had been being patient with me, and was telling me He was going to change how He was dealing with me. I was then reminded of Revelation 3:19 – Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.

Another similar verse is Hebrews 12: 5-6: …My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.

He brought to my thoughts other people whose sin had negatively affected their whole life, even the lives of their loved ones around them. He was going to start doing whatever it took for me to take my sin seriously. I literally put my hands up during prayer and said, “Ok God, I give up, I’m sorry for delaying. We’ll go.” The next day we were looking at apartments and two days later, we were signing the paperwork.

So what am I getting at? This is what Jen wrote on the original post: “So at this time, while we’re not sure where all the money will come from and where God will lead us, we’re excited and having faith to see what He has for us, and the growth that will occur during this next part of our journey. Especially in Bret’s heart.”

See, our expenses were going to be at least 400 dollars more than our income, every month. Still, I knew that if God was telling us to move, He was going to provide. If He didn’t provide, then we would use up all the money he gave to us from the insurance on the truck when it was in the accident (another amazing story of God’s grace, we’ll tell you about another day). Instead of seeing that money as something to save, I saw it as something God may have provided before we would need it. If we went through all of that money, then went broke, I would still have faith that He had told us to move out.

Here is the awesome news: only 1 month after moving out, Jen noticed a mistake she had on the budget. She hadn’t included a huge chunk of monthly income, which would allow us to not just afford to live here, but even continue to save money. I believe God had kept our eyes closed to that fact, so that when we moved, it was in faith in God, not in the money. And now we look back, thankful that God gave us the faith.

There is a difference in asking God if we can be sure if He will keep His word, and asking how He will keep His word. When John the Baptist’s dad, Zechariah, heard the angel tell him his wife would have a baby, he asked, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years” (Luke 1:18). Because of that, he was caused to be mute until John was born. However, when Mary was told that she would give birth to Jesus, her question was, “How will this be, since I am a virgin?” (Luke 1:34) Zechariah was asking how he could be sure God would do something He said he would, while Mary on the other hand was asking how God would do it.

I didn’t even care how He would provide for us financially, I just knew that He would. The cool thing, we were only tested for 1 month (during this specific situation). It reminds me of those people who kept going, even when the end looked so far away. Their instructors knew they really only had to keep going for a little further. The instructors had a reason for what they were doing. If the participants had known they only had to keep it up for a little while longer, and had kept going, it wouldn’t have shown their will. If Jen and I knew God was going to so quickly provide, or if we had the money before we moved, it wouldn’t have shown our faith.

This faith doesn’t just apply to going through something, it may apply to not having something you want. I have seen people who felt God calling them somewhere, even to a ministry, but they didn’t go because they valued something or someone more. Then, after they decided to follow their own heart, it was shown that they would have had to only wait a little while longer, and God would have provided them a way to have the other thing or person they wanted also. Instead, they didn’t go where God had been calling them, and prematurely chose to pursue what they wanted. How tragic!

If you don’t know how you are going to get through something, keep having faith. If you want something that God is not giving you at this time, have faith. If you don’t want to go somewhere He is calling you, have faith. Here is one thing Jesus prayed for His disciples in John 17:13-18 – I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. And one final verse, Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

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