The other night, Bret and I were chatting on the porch and he made a confession. He doesn’t love me most of all. To my surprise, I said the same to him.
Seven years ago, this would not have been the case. This admission of love for someone else more than him would have just been a “thing to say.”
My definition of love has changed over the years. At first, it was just someone giving me attention. Sadly, that is a poor man’s love and brought on much heartbreak. As I grew in my understanding of Christ’s love for me, this view changed to someone who believes in God. This was a little bit better than my first definition, but it was still lacking. Then I met Bret and it felt like everything changed. I look back on where I was mentally when I met Bret and I almost immediately wrote off all guys who were vying for my attention. There was no one else. As time went on, my definition of love became talking to Bret. Given that we had a long distance relationship for so long, those conversations were very precious. Then, he proposed and my “love definition” changed again to “someone who is a good wife.” For the first 5 years of our marriage, I think that was my definition of love – being a good wife. But last year, everything started to shift in my view of love. I think the first push in different direction started with a sermon by John Piper. He basically says that we count all things as loss already. Included in that list of “all things” is spouse. From that moment, I started to count every day as a gift with Bret. I slowly, truly started to loosen my grip on defining love as how well I was doing as a wife and his “good job wife” response as a measure of love. I started to count – how well am I doing finding my measure of love from God?
So when my dear, wonderful husband, with eyes raised in an “I’m sorry” tilt, said “I’m starting to love God more than you,” I was able to say, “you know what, me too.” What followed was a sweet time of worshiping God for all he’s done in us over the past year. Taking two very sinful, selfish, prideful, awful people and molding them more and more into the character of Christ. Whew, what an awesome journey! I truly hope that as the years go by in your marriage, your spouse is falling more in love with God.
Oh and taking crazy selfies like this with you. 🙂
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