About 365 days of marriage

I started this blog in April of 2011. At the time, Bret and I were wedding photographers and it was a way to share how marriage is more about the day to day and so much more than the wedding day itself. For about 5 years, I blogged about the joys and sorrows of the Christian walk, marriage, work, family and friends. I’ve blogged every day since a few weeks after I started. In May of 2015, we photographed our last wedding. Now, I have become passionate about simplicity, particularly in marriage, Christianity, business, travel and life. For a number of reasons, we have become minimalists. I’ve found that having simplicity makes life so much deeper, refreshing and joyful. I hope that this blog will help others see the benefits of living simply.

Day 3016 – Krispy Kreme Trip – or – How To Read A GPS Correctly – or – Well That Didn’t Go As Planned

Posted on October 13, 2017 by 365 days of marriage

My life is a delicate balance of fitting in a zillion different things. I’m essentially helping three other people build their businesses, I’m writing my third book, I’m building my online presence, I’m brainstorming digital product ideas, I’m moderating a Facebook road trip travel group, I’m attempting to read 300 books this year (maybe even more), oh, and you know, running a household with cleaning, wash, making food, paying the bills, and taking care of myself. Thankfully I’m growing in the “don’t be so hard on yourself” area of life. There are days when I know there is nothing more I can do.

One place that Bret and I love beyond words is Krispy Kreme. There is absolutely nothing like a hot glazed doughnut melting in your mouth. I have been dreaming about Krispy Kreme doughnuts for a while now. The only locations that are close to us are 30+ minutes away. I worked in Annapolis yesterday, had a drop off to do, then had to pick up Bret. Traffic was starting to build as I was leaving, and I hit a few bad spots. So after my delivery, I thought, ok, let’s see if stopping by Krispy Kreme would add a lot of time or not. I checked several times on my GPS, and I SWEAR it looked like I would arrive at the same time whether I went directly to Bret or if I got doughnuts and then got Bret. The obvious choice was to get doughnuts. So I popped in the address, started up my book (Reading People by Anne Bogel – dudes, I can’t wait to tell you about this book!), and made my way to Krispy Kreme. As I drove through the beautiful countryside, I realized I was getting pretty tired. So upon ordering, I got myself a coffee. I put everything in car, took a potty break, and hit the road.

When I put Bret’s work into my GPS, my arrival time was like 40 minutes later. I thought, wait, what? I thought it would be about the same time??? I did take a few minutes to make my order, hit the bathroom, and did a facetime with Bret to share eating my second doughnut (oh yea, I inhaled one before I called. Have I mentioned how much I love Krispy Kreme?). MAYBE all of that added up to 20 minutes, or did it mean that I misread my GPS….several times? I’m guessing that in my tired state, I didn’t read it correctly.

There are lots of factors that can mess up your arrival time – rain, traffic, other drivers, a stop light that doesn’t have a turn signal on a busy street, cars trying to get through an intersection and getting stuck because the light changes (all of which happened yesterday). But one that is oft overlooked is the tired driver who can’t math. At the end of the very long day though, we had doughnuts that made our hearts happy.

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Day 3014 – Even If you Have The Resources, You Need To Have Access To Them – or – Life Lessons In The Aldi Parking Lot

Posted on October 11, 2017 by 365 days of marriage

I absolutely love shopping at Aldi. Especially since the rebrand/remodel. I love being able to get amazing deals on our food. It has helped us eat really healthy affordably. There are “downsides” like waiting in line for a while, things not in stock, and having to have a quarter to get a cart.

I’m not a purse girl, at all. I either have a backpack with the kitchen sink or I only have my “wallet” (a business card holder with my credit cards and ID), clip my keys to my belt loop, and my phone. For the past year or so, I’ve also carried a coin purse with gift cards, cash, and loose change. A few nights back when I went to get groceries, I thought, I don’t need cash or giftcards, so I’ll leave this at home. Famous. Last. Words.

I used to be in the habit of keeping a roll of quarters in my car for parking meters. Now, I just keep some change. I ALWAYS have several quarters in my car for Aldi.

When I arrived at Aldi to shop, I went to grab a quarter. Nothing. A few pennies, no quarters. “Oh crap.” I looked in the console between the seats. Nothing.

Thus began the longest search of my life.

I turned the car inside out, finally deciding I had to look for pennies to get a quarter. I went through the car several times. I had secret hopes that someone would just happen to see me searching and give me a cart. A lady walked up next to me, and I thought of making a joke about digging for change, but I didn’t want to sound desperate. Wouldn’t you know, she gave her cart to other people, and not in exchange for a quarter. DOH!

Onward I forged. I FINALLY found the 25th cent, and upon counting, realized I had 26 cents. I traded in my quarter at the cash register, then washed my hands in the bathroom.

I had never used the bathroom at Aldi. Before the remodel, and for many years, Aldi has had a, well, not very good reputation. Just as a trashy kind of place, not the best quality, etc. But it has saved us so much money, and since they started accepting credit cards, not debit cards, we shop there almost exclusively. So for years, I had this idea that the bathrooms would be trashy. Friends, the bathroom was beautiful! I never would have expected that! I’m not sure if that was part of the remodel or if it was always that nice. That was definitely a good reminder to not judge things without knowing the full story.

It also made me realize that I had more than enough resources (money) to get a cart, but I couldn’t access those resources. I knew I could drive to the apartment to get a quarter, but was that really worth the extra drive? I have to make sure that I have access to the resources I need in life. I have access to countless books at the library, but if I never go, I’ll never get to use those resources for my benefit. Part of the reason I’m rereading my entire blog is to find the diamonds to share with others on Pinterest (ha ha, MUCH harder in the first year or two of posts). I have lots of resources and information here on the blog about a number of topics, but if I don’t get them in front of people, they won’t have the impact I want (more I do’s that last until til death do us part, more people actually taking a road trip instead of wishing they could, etc).

Oh, and I have a whole bunch of quarters in my car now.

Here’s the state of the change I did find!

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Day 3013 – World Mental Health Day – and – Another Peek In My Alcoholism Memoir

Posted on October 10, 2017 by 365 days of marriage

Today is World Mental Health Day. From the Days of the Year website, here’s a little bit about the day – “Mental health problems, ranging from issues like depression and anxiety disorders to conditions like schizophrenia, affect millions of people around the world. In fact, according to current statistics, 1 in 4 people will experience some kind of mental health problem during their lifetime and many more will see friends of family members affected.”

What a staggering statistic! And one that I believe is pretty darn accurate. There are so many things that the people we know struggle with that they keep hidden or think they should keep hidden. Today is a good reminder that we’re all not perfect, and to take some time to get to know those around us. And that if you struggle with something, it’s ok, and there is much freedom in sharing your struggles with someone you trust.

In a bit of serendipity, I was working on the chapter about being a Christian with a drinking problem in my memoir today. Let it encourage you to go deeper with those around you. And let it serve as a reminder that we’re all facing battles that aren’t seen on the surface.

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A friend recently asked how long I’ve been a Christian. They thought maybe a new belief is what caused me to stop drinking. I’ve been a Christian my whole life – which makes the fact that I had a drinking problem as a Christian more confusing, and hard to believe. But here’s the thing – no one is immune to struggling with things. I think being honest with yourself is a big part of knowing when you have a problem. It wasn’t until I was honest with myself, acknowledging that I couldn’t drink ever again, that a change was finally made. It wasn’t until several months after I was sober that I could acknowledge that I was an alcoholic.

I didn’t look like what you might think an alcoholic would look like. I went to church, I was homeschooled K-12. I got good grades when I went to college and graduated with honors. What you didn’t see were the times I hugged the toilet. What you didn’t see were the hysterical crying fits I had. What you didn’t see were the puffy eyes and bloated body the next day. You were surprised when you heard I was an alcoholic. You had no idea. I had become a master at hiding my drinking problem. Whether it was sneaking extra glasses of wine when you weren’t looking or sipping cooking wine when the alcohol was gone. And yet, I never thought I had a problem. Yea, maybe I needed to think about things, maybe I had too many drinks when I drank….but there always seemed to be an excuse to drink.

On the last night I drank, Bret and I were supposed to do evening devotions, but we didn’t because I was so intoxicated.

After many of these humiliating moments, I would swear off alcohol. I would be ashamed of myself. “How could a Christian act like this?” I’d tell myself I won’t drink again. I would journal and ask God’s forgiveness. Many times, if not every time, this verse came up:

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.”
1 Peter 5:8

Every time I read it, I’d mentally agree and think “this is it. I can do this.”

But then a few months would go by and I would think, “Oh it’s our anniversary,” “Oh, it’s so and so’s birthday,” “Oh! It’s Tuesday!” And there I was again, right back where I was before. It would start slow and then would be a full-blown problem again. It was an endless cycle.

Here are a few entries I’ve journaled about my drinking over the years.

1/1/06
Maybe these dark times are to show me what God has saved me from. A taste of what the worldly Jennilyn would be.

I didn’t realize I would end up being worldly Jennilyn when I was arrested only eight and a half months later. I didn’t realize I would cross that line – or how easy it would be.

So when did I know I was an alcoholic?

Probably in the few months after my last drink. Here’s a snapshot from my journal.

September 29, 2014 (first day sober)
I do enjoy it and I have had some great times, yet I’ve quit so many times. Can I really not control myself or am I trying to prove to myself that I can? Am I holding on to sin? Should I cut it loose? Do I need to cut it out completely? Truly? Forever? Is it standing in my way?

On October 3, 2014
Thank you also for the clear “it’s time” to quit drinking. Thank you for the strength already against temptation. Let it open doors to honest communications about how Christians aren’t perfect.

Another factor to this time being different was I took a few days to make the decision. Other times, it was a quick decision. It used to be a way to placate Bret – “Don’t worry babe, this is the LAST time.”

Looking back, I think it has been so true – that it opened lines of communication. People are shocked when they hear about my sobriety – “but you’re a Christian!”

Thinking back to the months following this moment, I remember thinking that there is almost more stigma against people who don’t drink than people who do. I was more embarrassed and nervous to say “no thank you” to a drink, then when I was downing bottle after bottle.

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My very last margarita!

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Day 3012 – When Does A Habit Become A Habit?

Posted on October 9, 2017 by 365 days of marriage

This morning, Bret and I were discussing habits. He’s started a few checklists because he was inspired by my checklists. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve flossed pretty much every day (minus about 3-5 days) for a year. Bret has flossed almost every day since June. We have a “Floss Journey” checklist next to our sink to keep track. He’s started a “habits checklist” that he keeps above his computer. On there, he included flossing. I said, “well, why include that? Isn’t it already a habit? Don’t we track it elsewhere?”

It got us thinking, when can you call something a habit? When is it ok to stop tracking it?

For me, I HAVE to track everything I want to grow in. I can’t stop. Even though I do devotions in the morning, and it’s almost always the first thing I do, I still keep it on my to do list. Even though I am in the habit of blogging every day, I still keep it on my to do list. Ha ha, it helps to have to number of days too!

I think that the things on my morning checklist are finally habits. I am so thankful for that! Writing and working out have been completed since 9/4, but it wasn’t until 9/17 that I added in reading through two books, and working on building my pinterest account. I do feel like those are now habits. So, that’s almost a month.

This weekend, I created two new checklists – an afternoon slump checklist (including things like laugh for 5 minutes, have a dance party, and go for a walk) and an evening winding down checklist (prepping for the next day, doing the dishes, etc). I’m looking forward to seeing how they will increase my productivity and energy throughout the day.

When do you think a habit becomes a habit? When do you think it’s ok to stop tracking something because you’ll do it no matter what? Do you have a video that makes you laugh out loud every time? (I’m building a playlist on YouTube!) Let me know in the comments below!

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365daysofmarriage

Simplicity in Marriage, Christianity, Travel, Business, Life

Author Archives: 365 days of marriage

About 365 days of marriage

Day 3016 – Krispy Kreme Trip – or – How To Read A GPS Correctly – or – Well That Didn’t Go As Planned

Day 3014 – Even If you Have The Resources, You Need To Have Access To Them – or – Life Lessons In The Aldi Parking Lot

Day 3013 – World Mental Health Day – and – Another Peek In My Alcoholism Memoir

Day 3012 – When Does A Habit Become A Habit?