I started this blog in April of 2011. At the time, Bret and I were wedding photographers and it was a way to share how marriage is more about the day to day and so much more than the wedding day itself. For about 5 years, I blogged about the joys and sorrows of the Christian walk, marriage, work, family and friends. I’ve blogged every day since a few weeks after I started. In May of 2015, we photographed our last wedding. Now, I have become passionate about simplicity, particularly in marriage, Christianity, business, travel and life. For a number of reasons, we have become minimalists. I’ve found that having simplicity makes life so much deeper, refreshing and joyful. I hope that this blog will help others see the benefits of living simply.
Three years ago today, I signed my first client for freelance work! It’s been such a blessing. All of my clients have been so great with being flexible with me this week.
I must admit, the title of this post is a little misleading, mostly because I believe there is no wrong way to grieve (I wouldn’t suggest breaking laws though). Today I am attending the funeral of someone I knew their whole life. Someone years younger than me. It has me thinking a lot about grief and things I’ve learned.
My life has been marked by much loss, especially young people (mostly 18-25ish). It started when I was 15 and my 22 year old manager died. Five years later, I lost a very dear friend. After that, it seemed like someone near my age or younger passed away every year for several years. I have lost family. I have lost friends. Every loss teaches me something different. And I deal with every loss differently. The biggest thing that I have learned is to live every day as if you aren’t promised tomorrow (which you aren’t). I can happily say that I have lived this way. I really don’t have any regrets. So whether you are going through a fresh loss or one that happened years ago, here are some things I’ve learned and hopefully encourage you.
There is absolutely no time limit on grief. Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t “moving on” fast enough, or “that still bothers you?!” There are still songs that I hear from a loss 15 years ago that make me want to ugly cry, no matter where I am.
Don’t be ashamed to cry.
Don’t feel bad if you can’t or don’t cry.
Don’t worry if you don’t know what to say to others walking through a loss. Most of the time, a big, long hug is the answer.
Don’t question someone else’s choices in how they want to grieve. Some want to honor those lost by wearing white or red or pink to their funeral. Bret has told me multiple times to wear something bright. Let this also be a shout out if either Bret or I goes, you are welcome and encouraged to wear bright colors and/or jeans. I have processed each loss differently. Sometimes that looks like attending every viewing, gathering, whatever. Sometimes that means not going to anything. Sometimes it’s a mix of both. Having attended so many funerals and viewings and memorials, I know what to expect, and I can judge how I will emotionally react, and sometimes it’s best if I don’t go. Sometimes people will want to celebrate by sprinkling ashes. Sometimes people will celebrate the life by making a big change in their own. Or by making a big donation.
Wherever you find yourself today, I pray that you are held tight with encouragement, that you are holding on to the good memories, that you are processing in your own time, that you are surrounded by people that understand where you are, and aren’t rushing you.
If songs help, here are two that encourage me, and I want at least For Miles to be played at my funeral. (Note, if you aren’t into harder music, when it goes instrumental, go ahead and stop it.)
And this one by All Time Low has been playing on repeat in my brain the last few days.
When I saw this day pop up on my “fun day schedule” I immediately thought of Cate Battles Fine Art. I started following her after I followed her travel page, Argosy Odyssey. She is part of a couple who is currently living out of their airstream with a dog and a goat. Her work is absolutely stunning, and ordering a piece is on my wishlist.
Since I don’t have a piece I can share, here’s a pretty picture. 😀
I’m roughly at the halfway point of reviewing my 6+ years of blog posts. It’s taking time, but it’s been an amazing journey. I can see how much I’ve grown. I can see how much I shared, and how much I kept back. It’s reminding me of times I drank, it’s reminding me of many, many things.
Today, I read a post about uncertainty, and fog. It was so applicable to what I’m experiencing today, I wanted to reshare it.
~~~ originally posted 11/17/13, with just a few minor edits ~~~
As I drove to church today, the fog was incredibly thick, I could only see about four car lengths in front of me. It got me thinking about how God sometimes keeps us in a fog.
I noticed that I could always see the stop lights in time as well as the brake lights of the cars in front of me. I was always informed of the immediate danger.
The drive to church is a very lovely one. There are sweeping farms, glorious foliage and animals galore. Sometimes, all of this is very distracting. The fog kept me focused just on the road ahead of me.
It struck me how God sometimes gives us a time of fog to protect us from what’s going on around us. While it could have been a very claustrophobic thing, I found it very comforting.
If you’re in a fog, maybe God is protecting you from a distraction…
‘For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
365daysofmarriage 