The past week has been one of the better weeks I’ve had in a really long time. Lots of things are clicking, new habits are forming, I’m super positive and motivated, I haven’t struggled with depression/sadness/downness too much. I’ve been meeting my goals. It’s been fantastic.
Until this morning.
Friends, I have a deep down angry side. It doesn’t come out often. But when it does, watch out. This morning, Bret asked me to print something for him. It didn’t work. I started throwing things (mainly because they were on top of the backup printer), I said lots of bad words (and I’m not talking “shut the front door”), and after Bret left (without the needed print), I was still seething. Just plain angry.
I’m big into trying to figure out the why of things – why did I snap? Why am I down? What was my trigger? Etc. I’m pretty sure this morning was just about the printers giving me trouble. But I knew I had to snap out of it. I do have jobs to do after all. One of the things I’m trying to do is have quick responses to my consistent negative thoughts. For example, when I stress about money and think no one will ever pay me for anything ever again, I have the total that I made in wedding photography over the years. The other day, I created a playlist on Spotify with some of my favorite and most uplifting songs. I also have a ton of quotes surrounding my workspace.
So while I was stewing in this anger, I thought, I HAVE to get this under control. I did some stretching/yoga, took a shower, and had a cup of coffee and put together a digital puzzle, while listening to my playlist. As I listened, I started to sing along. I found myself thinking of ways to handle work tasks and projects I have on my plate. I added notes to my to do list. I felt joy rising. I felt encouraged. I am so thankful to past Jen for putting these things in place. I am also so thankful for Rend Collective and Thrice for songs that feed my soul and set my heart ablaze for life and Christ. Bring it on day!……not really, leave me alone day! 🙂
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