Yesterday I was kidnapped and had to write my own ransom note.
Here are the contents of the note which was left on Bret’s truck for him to find me:
Do not be alarmed, but we have stolen your wife. We found out that you left her without a vehicle in her state of need, when she needed to go out with friends to the bar.
Since we are loving and not heartless, we have remedied the situation.
If you ever want to see your wife again, follow the enclosed directions and join us in merriment.