Day 1299 – The Hardest Thing I’ve Had To Overcome Working For Myself

My whole working career, whether photography or 9-5 jobs, I have worked extremely hard. I feel like it’s a bad day if I haven’t put out 110%. Heck, I even worked through mono. I don’t know how…no, I do…after trying all kinds of over the counter stuff for a cold (which is what I thought I had)…I realized the only thing that “worked” was Mountain Dew. Knowing what I know now, that was probably the WORST thing I could have had. Anyways, I had been programed that you couldn’t miss work. I have only ever called out of work 2-3 times in the 14 years I worked for others, and those were dire circumstances. I was programed that you HAD to get up super early for work.

And this is how it was for several months working from home. I would be so hard on myself if I slept even minutes past 7 or 8. I would push myself to work through sickness. It took probably 3-4 months to realize I didn’t HAVE to get up at a certain time for work…unless I had a job or appointment of course. While it was hard to accept, I finally did.

But that wasn’t the hardest part. The hardest thing has been letting myself rest when I’m sick and not feeling bad about it.

The past few days, I’ve been feeling worse and worse. At first I thought I was just moody…”got up on the wrong side of the bed, can’t figure out a reason why” kind of moody. But then yesterday, I realized, no, you’re sick woman. As much as I fought it last night into today, I am sitting here with a stuffy head, in a fog and feeling completely worthless.

The reason most people go into small business for themselves is because they want to work for themselves. They want to make all the decisions. It’s incredibly liberating. But the other side of the coin is this…if you are a one woman (man) show, if you’re sick, your company is closed.

This leaves me with two main choices. Keep working, put out sub-par work and make myself even worse off. Or, I can ensure all my HAVE to work is done and I can rest.

So, as I sit here in a fog, trying not to look at my 6 page to-do list, I decide I will rest.

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