Since this is a blog about marriage and wedding photography, and Bret is a BIG part of both our marriage AND our business, I wanted to start a weekly guest post from him! If you have any questions for him, let me know and I’ll make sure he answers them!
What was the highlight of the last week in your marriage?
I had a couple highlights in my marriage this past week.
The first is that Jen worked out with me at a nearby park. On the way back, we carried each other as part of the workout. To have a wife that I can work out with and puts up with and doesn’t mind being carried with her butt up in the air with a car honking at her, is truly a blessing.
Another highlight has been finding out that there is a chance we may lose some of our income at a time when both of our cars need work done. When we were talking about it, neither of us was really upset, we just automatically said that we will trust in God whatever happens. That was different from my usual response in a situation like that, so it was definitely a highlight.
Did you learn something new about marriage and/or your wife?
I learned something about myself and my marriage a few days ago. I have been so blessed with a dad that is an example of a husband that I want to be. Jen and I are coming up on 3 years of marriage, and she mentioned that the first and fifth are supposed to be the hardest. I remembered someone saying that Jen and I have had, to paraphrase, an easy marriage so far. I was thinking about how my dad has always told me, despite the situation he was in, that he is commanded to love and stay with my mom. What I’m saying is, and this is kind of an assumption, that he did not go through the situation and grow in love, and is now able to say that he truly loves her, or now knows they can make it through thick and thin, or that he has enough experience now to say he will not leave her. I believe he has had his mind made since he said “I do”. And that is how I feel. For my part, I meant “till death do us part” unless for reasons of infidelity and Jen and I have discussed this. Some may say, “yeah but you don’t know the future. You or she could change.” I can’t make Jen love me, but I can choose to love her and stay with her, despite the situation. Surely some people really can mean it. I really do believe that love is a choice. I hope I do not sound conceited. On the contrary, I feel our marriage must be harder for Jen, than it is for me. I don’t know how she puts up with me sometimes.
What’s your advice to grooms this week?
Every time someone asks me how long we have been married, and I tell them, they are like, “oh, you’re still newlyweds”, and make some comment like I haven’t hit the real marriage yet, or like I’m still in for some rough waters, or they try to tell me how women are, or make a comment that shows they believe divorce is an option. And I’m like, don’t condemn me. Why would I even want to talk to someone about marriage, who believes divorce is an option? I want to talk to people who will support not me, not my wife, not even our happiness, but our marriage. I want someone like my dad who will tell me, “It doesn’t matter if you are poor, or unhappy, or if you think they got ugly, you made a promise to them and God. You are supposed to stay with and love your wife.” The world always tells us to do what makes us happy. But God’s way is actually the opposite. It tells us we must die to self, love our wives as Christ loves the church, giving himself for her. So what is my advice? Don’t even let divorce be part of your vocabulary.
Bret’s quote of the week:
I heard this somewhere: Marriage is not only intended to make us happy, but to make us holy.