Day 2034 – Suffering And Joy – or – How Depression Is Like A Migraine

First, thank you to everyone who voted for Bret’s Guinness World Record story post (take a minute to vote if you haven’t yet! We hope to get it posted in a few days!)

Today, I had a wonderful experience. I’m feeling somewhat better, even though I’m still coughing up a lung every ten minutes. I got some work done early this morning after Bret left for work but hit a wall around 11. So I took a break, walked away from the computer and sat down to read/play games. I ended up starting a few fantastic books….I find it fascinating that you can get so excited about a book just from the introduction or preface.

Anyways, after I finished reading, I thought, WOW, I have missed this excitement when it comes to reading. Whenever I’m in a reading slump, I always get mad at myself because I KNOW how much I love to read and how good it is for my soul, so I want to hit myself over the head to remember that. Then it hit me, wow, I’m writing a book that I hope will get people just as excited. I know that will happen only because I know God will speak through me and HIS words will shine through.

So I got up and stapled my butt to the chair and FINALLY went through all of the typed notes I have for my book and condensed them down into one document! Woo! I have about 21 pages of organized notes and entries. I still have 65 pages of typed up notes from my journals to go through, but it is sooooo much farther than I was even a few hours ago.

As I was going through, I found an entry that I wanted to share with you. Even if only as a reminder that there’s someone else out there that has gone through what you’re going through.

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As I’ve grown, I’ve come to realize a broken heart is not just one from the love of a couple. Sometimes, it can come from someone’s choice…someone’s sin that rips apart the fabric of the life created between the two of you. Something at first that is a small choice, but as the consequences of the choice come to light, as it grows, you realize that small moment has changed everything.

It can tear your heart in two. It can cause you to break down into a thousand pieces on the floor. Unable to hold your body together, your heart leaks through your eyes to escape.

Oh no, a broken heart can come from the most unlikely of sources.

Depression seems to be something that some people just can’t understand. I think of it like a migraine. By common knowledge, a migraine is a headache. Everyone gets headaches. But those who experience a migraine, know this is rubbish. It is so much more than a headache. It’s the same with depression. How can you explain to someone who has never experienced it? How can you describe what it’s like to have the pressure on top of you, weighing down so much it’s hard to breathe? That just moving from one spot to another requires as much energy and resolve as putting one foot in front of the other to climb a mountain peak? How can you use words to make them understand what it’s like to have your heart bleed, with no visible damage?

I suppose it will always be the same. I guess those who haven’t felt the utter lose of self and desire to go on, will never understand as much as those who have never felt their skull ripped in two by a migraine.

It’s funny that I’ve always almost embraced suffering. From so young, I’ve felt the awfulness of loss. The terrible aches of burying someone younger than yourself. And yet, again and again in scripture, we see that our lives will be filled with suffering. Christ himself knew suffering. It’s even more odd that once you embrace this truth, you are filled with a joy beyond comparison. Is knowing that life will be hard help you to see the small joys? Or is it the reminder that life is utterly terrible that causes us to long even more for our heavenly home?

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Day 1259 – The End Of The World…Everyday.

Can I just say I’m a little tired of all the “end of the world” posts?

I mean, there are a few funny memes going around. A few companies making sales. Ok, fine.

But, it makes me think…why don’t we live every single day like it’s the end of the world? Not in a reckless living kind of way, but in a realistic way.

You may have seen my post about Scott. I talked about living every day with joy in light of the uncertainty of when death will find us. Over the years, I have lost many friends, so much so that in a way, death is like an old friend. I am accustom to the ache and finality of death. The quiet, full air of a funeral home. The unabashed tears. The knowledge that there is nothing you can say, you can only hug as if your life depended on it. As a good friend once said, “hug like you’re trying to break a watermelon.”

I’m not trying to make a super depressing post here, on the contrary, I want to share what I’ve learned.

Because we don’t know when we’ll go, we should live as if that’s very soon.

It helps you to enjoy every hug, to hold on just a few more seconds.
It helps you to dance in the rain.
It helps you to laugh when your car breaks down.
It helps you grow a “well, if nothing else” attitude about life.
It helps you to not worry about the mess around you, dropping everything and playing.
It helps you to let go of the disappointments.
It helps you to enjoy the successes even more.
It helps you to remember every breath is a gift.

Take a moment to list even 5 things that you’re thankful for every day…and I promise you, you will enjoy every day you have…even if you still have thousands in front of you.

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