I’m going to say again, depression is one of my biggest struggles in life. Since I’ve been working from home, it’s been a MUCH bigger struggle. That struggle was somewhat lessened when we moved back in with my parents….since I see people more on a daily basis (which helps). But either way, it’s SOOOO much easier to fall into my old ruts at home, in the basement, all alone and cold (today is a perfect example as I’m huddled up in my fingerless gloves, an old sweatshirt and a ski cap….I actually look like a teenage boy and/or someone who is about to rob a store….which is why today’s picture is not of me). When you’re all alone….it’s much easier to feel like I’m a complete failure.

This morning, a few things happened that put me into almost immediate depression before I even got out of bed. Seriously, that is the WORST. I almost went back to sleep, but knew I should get up and try to do something with my day. I started brewing my coffee and it was following me, that feeling of dread, anger and sadness.

Thankfully, the last few months have been a HUGE growing and learning time for me. I’ve felt more in tune with God and learning so much more about Him and myself than I have in my whole life. A big lesson is not to heap on the condemnation when I’m having a bad day. In a way, I’m giving myself the “ok” to feel bad and not get as much work done as I expected I would. It’s also helpful to have really mindless tasks ready to go so I can just veg out in front of the TV….I’ll freely admit here that I totally had a Bachelor binge yesterday…and while I did have a pretty productive morning up to that point and felt ok with the binge…when I started this morning feeling like the day was already over, I said, no way day! I am going to fight this!

I sat in bed with my coffee and started searching for some inspiration. I found a great video that moved me to tears and started to pull me out of the depths of wallowing. It was a great reminder of who I am as a Christian and what the Gospel is.

After that, I started my devotions. As I journaled and read, the fog lifted. But, I know how sneaky depression can be, and I wanted to be prepared. I prayed for a verse that would help me navigate through the day. Now, this isn’t the most “biblical” of methods….but I’m a bible skimmer/flipper when looking for inspiration and help on different topics. I think that God can speak to us this way…but it isn’t the MAIN way we should be searching for His guidance on a topic. I tend to always hear Isaiah when I pray for verse…another reminder to actually do a bible study in my study bible on the whole book! I started this a while back and got some great insight out of it…..Anyways, I came across this verse…

“In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you. If anyone stirs up strife, it is not from me; whoever stirs up strife with you shall fall because of you.” Isaiah 54:14-15 ESV

I realized just now, that the part “whoever stirs up strife” could actually refer to myself too…my internal voice that SOOOO loves to be depressed and stay in that state.

Well, I’m happy to say that today has been one of the most productive I’ve had in a while. All because I decided to look to God and His Word to me for strength. To see growth in myself in this area of depression gives me hope that God is a powerful, loving and personal God…..Who is also powerful, loving and personal enough to help you with YOUR struggles.